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The Symptoms of Stress

January 27, 2018

Author: Bianca Yang
Email: ipacifics@gmail.com

Two days ago, I was so stressed that I forgot to bring my homework to class. I didn’t realize my near-fatal mistake until two minutes into the class, when I saw a classmate walking back from the pile where everybody’s completed assignments were stacked. I felt such shame and frustration in that moment. At that moment, I finally realized how stressed I had become. The week’s school assignments and work and research and club responsibilities had worn away my sanity. That morning, I was in such a bad mood that I couldn’t even respond when a friend tapped me on the shoulder and said “good morning”.

On Friday, my stress was slightly relieved when a variety of bugs for my database implementation class were resolved and I knew we would be able to finish with a 24-hour extension on the assignment. That evening, I also went out with a friend to Dingle Berries Coffee and Tea in Rosemead for a much needed cup of tea. We also went out to get cream puffs from Beard Papa. I’m not much of a cream puffs fan, but the reviews from my classmates and close acquaintances have been so wonderful that I wanted to see for myself what the hype was all about.

I was hoping the night out would have removed most of my stress, but I had trouble falling asleep last night because I was so anxious. I eventually had a good night’s sleep, but the morning was a bit haphazard. I ended up spilling some food at the cafeteria and was late to a meeting with a classmate. I really wanted to rent a car and go out today, but there were no slots available. Tomorrow looks pretty packed, as well, so I think I’m stuck on campus for the weekend.

I’ve started practicing Russian cursive. I normally look at sites which have basic Russian phrases and try to write the words down while repeating their pronunciation. I’m not set on becoming fluent in Russian anytime soon, but I think it would be nice to be able to be conversational by June. I’m also going on a trip to France, Spain, and some other European country at the end of June, so I think I’ll add some Romance languages to my repertoire.

The study of a language eventually becomes a study of the people who use it. We shape the words we use because we are constantly trying to find better ways to express ourselves. The language shapes us by restricting the ways in which we can express ideas. Major human accomplishments all developed through teamwork, so understanding how different cultures developed their communication methods can be informative in managing relationships.

A friend showed me a couple episodes of Rick & Morty two Fridays ago. I had seen some of the show in my dorm last year, but I never found it quite as amusing as some of my classmates. The show was no more entertaining this time around. I don’t think I’ll go back to watching television anytime soon. I raved about The Wire for some time, but now I’m tired of passing the time by watching the screen. The only show which I’m really committed to is RWBY, but the most recent season just ended.

My view on electronic entertainment right now is that I’m not particularly interested in it. I don’t want to watch videos or play video games. I think it would be wonderful to be able to create content that others love, but I don’t want to fall into the trap of addiction that is built into so many pieces of work. ___ 我今天早上本來要跟同學一起去參觀 LA 的各個 donut 店,但是我昨天凌晨兩點才睡,所以今天就失去了那一個機會。我其實對甜甜圈沒什麼特別的興趣,我只是想出去閒晃。但我這個計畫的大問題不在於我的食物偏好。這個計劃的問題是我實在不想跟這個朋友花這麼多時間。

我跟很多朋友的關係其實很尷尬。我對一大堆人的感想並沒有特別好,我只是利用他們的聰明或車或精神幫我做成私人目標。這樣坦白地把我的計謀說出來好像有意點天真感,但我不太在意他人的反應。這個部落各地基本目標就是給我一個可以發表我的思想的平台。今天說的話跟銘的寫的信念是很正常的現象,因為我還有很多疑問要解決。等到我完全了解世界為止,我會不停地改在我的想法、我的信念,因為這是成長的必須地步。

回到正題,我對很多人的感情很淡薄,但那些人並不明白我真正的想法。但這也是正常人際關係中遇見的情況。人類因為冊心術的能力所以造出言語。我應該多跟這些傢伙聯絡,直接說出『我不想跟你出去玩』類似的幾句話。但我又有一種莫名其妙的想法,我不怎麼珍貴這些朋友,所以幹嘛要說那麼多話?我不如就用比較隨便委婉的方式去意味著我的心情?他們想跟我約飯,我就等到最後一分鐘再回答。他們想跟我合作,我也照樣不理他們,等著他們逼我回答在管他們無聊、完全不關我的是。但這樣做下去會讓我的人脈縮小,也會破壞我的名聲。我還是當個堂堂正正的乖孩子比較好,這樣省下大家的精神。

好的人很難找。我不想跟隨波逐流當一個正常的賊。我想超越社會的模型,造出新未來。